Month: November 2015

Reality Really: Furry Highlights (And no, this is not hair product)

Here at AnthropicPress the world often forces us to make news ourselves. But every so often, it does our job for us. We hope you enjoy today’s edition of “Reality Really!?!”

AnthroCon, ( ) is a Furry Forum and “Anthropomorphics” community that specializes as a Furry social space. As described by UncleKage (Dr. Samuel Conway) the primary focus of the community is the annual Anthrocon convention. But lets no focus on the bark-ticulars here, the forum posts are quite interesting.

Forum Posts:

Upset (while still attending) last years “Anthrocon”, user Shayd wrote:

“Okay first of all it’s only 2nd day into the convention and I feel like i’ve seen enough, too much. I would describe this convention in just one sentence:

If you don’t have full fursuit or are a dealer/famous artist you are NOT welcome here!

And this you cannot tell me is incorrect. It’s just few thousand people walking around aimless. The panels are boring and your balroom is full of people who stand against the wall just as dissapointed as I am. The whole “Furries are friendly” is a massive propaganda as there are only several people who are either famous for their art or have a suit and they camp away from everyone ready to reject anyone who dares to talk to them. There are multiple areas where only people with suits are allowed in, so what’s my supersponsor membership for?”

Shayd went on to explicitly deride the convention’s lamentable state of management. Most interesting, however, is a response to the part of his post regarding “fursuits”

Staff member Protocollie wrote:

“Non suiters aren’t allowed because it is supposed to be a safe space for you to take your head off if you are in costume.”

Take your head off?!? What are these people!?!

Well Shayd, I think you should’ve taken Ron Bauerle’s advice:

“At least give Kage’s story hour, the fursuit parade, and the Masquerade later today a chance, and maybe the auctions tomorrow.”

AnthropicPress would like to reaffirm: This is real.




Man Opens Exorcism Gym

Ted McDanes, 45 year resident of Metro Detroit and founder of Exorcise Your Fears, opened what he calls the “one stop shop for paranormal fitness”. Consisting mainly of liquidated workout equipment, the new facility puts a “spin” on traditional fitness regimes. “I have added equipment for ghosts and other paranormal beings” McDanes told AnthropicPress during a private tour. “Look here!” Pointing to what appeared to be a rodent exsersize wheel, large enough for a 4th grader, McDanes quickly flipped a switch. “See” he said, jogging on a nearby treadmill, “it spins as you run! Ghosts love it!

The gym is intended as a crossroads for the living and the dead. “I’m not really geared for cosmic beings yet, you know, the powers of myth and legend. But I want to expand toward that. Really, this place is a crossroads. Once the ghost goes into the wheel, its host can just leave discreetly. The spirits usually just keep running until they fade into the “ectoverse”. Everyone wins” he said.

Flat Earther Throws Up to Prove He Has Not “Swallowed Lies”


A man reportedly induced himself to vomit when told by Atheists that the world is a sphere. Reginald Regiss, 52, is one of a small number of flat earth proponents. “Its a conspiracy!” he shouted at the atheists “I haven’t swallowed no lies! See!” After shoving his hand forcefully down his throat, he pointed at the fresh pool of vomit as evidence that he had indeed never “swallowed lies”. He told AnthropicPress: “I had to show them! I had to. They can’t even give physical evidence as to how a chicken could produce a dog, which is what they say. I showed them that my theories are sound!”

Furry Fury! Furries Disappearing Across America!

Furry Fury

A California man who chose to disclose himself only as “Spot” claims that a flurry of furry disappearances has been sweeping China towns across the country. “They are taking us!” spokeswoman Pretty Kitty told Anthropic Press. “They are taking us and cooking us into whatever it is they eat! How do Asian restaurants keep prices so low? How?!?” Driven by fears that the influx of illegal immigrants has allowed greater numbers of Asians into the country, Furry president Bow Wow is urging all Furries to support republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. “These unamerican scum will stop at nothing!” Bow Wow told an exuberant crowd, “not even our little Fuzzies will be safe!” crowds roared as he held aloft an infant dressed in Seal like garb. “We must support Trump! He will ship em’ all off!”
The recent fears, dubbed “Furry Fury” developed when Antonio Vixen, an LA Furry, went missing sometime last month. The FBI is investigating the disappearance. “Absolutely NO connection currently exists between anyone in the Asian community and this disappearance” a spokesperson said. Still, Furry leaders are not satisfied. “Take precautions!” Pretty Kitty urged followers, “mark your territory! Just like the survival manual tells us! Its our life line! The combined urination of all Furries everywhere will drive these hungry devils off! Cristen your communities!”
Pretty Kitty further emphasized that Americans should not discriminate against public urination, “Its our only defense in times like this. Trust me: it pisses us off too…”